Adrien and the Seven Kwami
by Cure Orchid
Summary: Your favorite Miraculous characters (and Hawkmoth) retell the story of Snow White but in their own strange way. PURE CRACK


I regret nothing.

* * *

It was a usual day in the Parisian forest, the Sky was blue, the grass was green, the pigeons carried small children into the sky never to be seen again.

It the middle of the forest was the kingdom of France, and by kingdom I mean a single castle with barely anyone in it.

Inside said castle was a young prince named Adrien. Adrien was your average super rich, super model, super attractive Prince like every other boy his age. However he lived with a very neglectful father, his father King Gabriel had become distant ever since the queen was killed in a tragic slip n slide accident. Now Gabriel was obsessed with only one thing...

"Magic mirror on the wall, who is the most fabulous one of all?" Gabriel asked his magic mirror. A telephone ringing noise sounded from the mirror for a moment before changing to the face of an old Chinese man "I told you to stop calling me in the middle of the night!" Fu the mirror reminded him.

"Whatever, just tell me who is the most fabulous man in the kingdom!?" Gabriel insisted impatiently. Fu sighed "Very well, the most fabulous one of all is...Adrien."

Gabriel stood there confused "I think you must have forgotten my name, Adrien is my son." "Oh yeah I know, he is way more fabulous than you." Fu replied.

Gabriel got up in Fu's face "WHAT!? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!?"

Fu shrugged "Hey he's got nice hair, a cute butt and is a complete cinnamon roll. You your old and saggy." "So are you." Gabriel retorted. Master Fu glared at him "That's it, I'm retiring to Tijuana, goodbye!" And with that the mirror shut off.

The room turned dark and butterflies flew past the window, Gabriel sneered "You have gone too far Adrien! No one shall be more fabulous than me!"

The next day

A beautiful boy was sitting on the steps of the castle, the poor boy had been dressed in rags...last seasons fashions! Adrien had been ordered to do all the chores for the last month since the maid was fired, Still the prince was hopeful that someday his dreams would come true.

"Someday, I will find a wonderful lady who will love me for me, and will put up with my puns." He spoke to himself. Adrien walked towards the wishing well, peering deep down and quietly made a wish "I wish that I could find my true love." Then he dropped a 100 dollar bill down since he was out of coins.

Unknown to the prince, the princess of the neighboring kingdom was taking a stroll just outside the wall. Princess Marinette was minding her own business until she heard a beautiful voice singing "Oh my god, that voice?! Can it be?"

One thing about the princess is that she was agile like a superhero when she is motivated, otherwise she is as clumsy as a normal girl. She pulled out her yoyo and lassoed it onto a tree, swinging from the branch and doing a flip into the yard.

The young prince was too caught up in singing to himself to notice her "Hey now, I'm an all star, get my game on, go play!" He sang, just then a girls face popped up right beside him. Adrien did what any other boy would do, he screamed like a little girl and fell on his butt.

"Dang, I thought you were Bryce Papenbrook." She said disappointed. Adrien dusted his clothes off "I don't know who that is but he sounds very handsome."

Marinette held a hand out to help him up and he accepted it...then she fell over too. Laying on the floor the two stared into each other's eyes. Sparks were flying and emotions were strong, Adrien had only one thing to say "I always wanted a girl to fall for me."

Marinette quickly got up and pulled him up as well "Oh um sorry, I didn't mean to, you were just so heavy...No! Your not too heavy your average, well not average average your obviously a prince and that's not average your fabulous I mean-" Marinette rambled on.

Adrien stared in awe at the girl before him, she was the first not to groan and be annoyed when he made a pun. There was something special about this girl, something...Miraculous.

The two began to meet and became good friends, within a week they had already fallen for each other, but as their love grew so did King Gabriel's jealousy of his son. One day he called in his old assistant Nathalie for a job.

"I need you to get rid of my son." Gabriel stated.

Nathalie was understandably confused "But the boy has done nothing wrong?" "That is were you are wrong!" Gabriel spoke "They boy has become more fabulous than me, and he must be punished for it."

"But your his father! And I am very certain killing him is illegal. Isn't there anything else you could-" Nathalie tried to reason but was interrupted "Nope, my plan has no holes in it. This is what must be done. No other way."

Awkward silence ensued. "(Sigh) alright." Nathalie relented.

The following day Adrien was happily picking flowers in a field, unaware of Nathalie coming towards him with something hidden behind her back. She crept forward, the prince unknown to the danger that he was in. He noticed a shadow cast from behind him and swung around in fear as Nathalie pulled out...an eviction notice.

"What?" Adrien asked, "Your father wants you dead so you better run off into the dangerous and deadly forest where you will be safe." Nathalie told him.

Adrien whimpered "But I don't wanna go." "Would you rather be killed?" "Well off I go!" And just like that the prince strolled along into the perilous forest where horrible tragedies lay ahead.

"Well he's dead." Nathalie quipped as she made her way back to the castle.

Deep inside the forest, Adrien casually strolled as the terrifying trees glared at him, beats barely missing him with their claws, and flaming arrows hitting the ground moments after he stepped on it.

"Hey this place isn't so bad!" He happily noted. A sign was ahead of him and he went up and read it "No Pastries!? This place is horrible!" Adrien dropped to his knees and sobbed.

The nearby animals took pity on the poor boy and a black cat nudged his face. Adrien glanced at the kitty and the cat motioned for him to follow. The animals of the forest took Adrien to a cute little cottage in the middle of the woods.

"Someone actually lives out here?" He asked in disbelief. He came unto the door only to find it locked. Unable to open it he decided to give up...until he saw a window and threw a rock at it. He climbed in through the broken window, luckily he was so fabulous that he was immune to glass shard cuts.

"Hey nice digs!" Adrien noted as he took a look around, after wandering around and touching various objects he fell asleep on the sofa.

Coming home from the mines were 7 little creatures, a ladybug, a cat, a butterfly, a turtle, a fox, a peacock and a bee. The little creatures were called Kwami and as they approached their home they noticed something was amiss.

"We left the keys at the mine!" The butterfly cried out in sadness, until the peacock pointed to the window "Look, we can get in through the window!" They all agreed and flew in. The cat stopped for a moment "Wait...who the heck broke our window!?"

As if on cue a loud snore spooked the kwami, they hurriedly flew into the cabinets for shelter. The ladybug was the first to peek out "I'm gonna see what it is." She told the others.

The little ladybug flew over to the couch and peered over the side to see the prince. "Hey you guys can come out! It's just a beautiful boy!" She called to her friends.

The remaining Kwami flew over and stared at the random boy in their house, curiosity brimming in their eyes. The cat flew up in his face and gently shouted "HEY WAKE UP!" the prince instantly awoke and sprung up off the couch "Wah I'm up I'm up! Wait...where am I again?" The cat flew up in his face "Your in our house and the real question is why are you here?!"

The memory of what happened before returned to Adrien "Oh yeah, so my dad, the king apparently wants me dead for some reason and I needed a place to lay low." He explained. The ladybug came over to him "Oh! Your the prince! Now I recognize you from your fashion magazines!" The turtle came over next "Welcome to our home, which for some reason is made for people your size and is actually way too big for us Kwami."

Adrien smiled "Thanks for letting me stay here." The little fox smiled back "No prob, your making this place much more fabulous just by breathing here." The fox pointed to the wilted flowers that began coming back to life as soon as they sensed Adrien's presence.

The ladybug took charge "So my name is Tikki, the butterfly is Nooroo, the turtle is Wayzz, the fox is Trixx, the peacock is Duusuu and the bee is-" "What the heck guys!?" The cat interrupted "He breaks into our home and you all just let him stay here!?" Tikki sighed "And that is Plagg, he's the grumpy one of the bunch."

Plagg huffed and flew away into a corner, "Stupid humans, what good are they anyway?"

And just like that Prince Adrien began living with the Kwami, he helped around the house with doing things that they're tiny bodies were unable to do like lift furniture and reach the cereal on the top shelf. A few days past and all seemed to be good, until the king checked with his mirror again.

"Magic mirror on the wall, who is now the most fabulous one of all?" Gabriel asked, the mirror buzzed until it showed Fu in the shower! He promptly covered himself with the curtain "What have I told you about calling me between 4 and 5?!" Fu shrieked. Gabriel promptly covered his eyes "Oh god I wish I never saw that!"

Fu put on a towel before speaking again "Anyway, Adrien is still the most fabulous of all." Gabriel snapped his fingers "Dang it! Even his corpse is more fabulous than me!" Fu scoffed "Nah, he's alive, he's in the forest with the Kwami. Now let me bathe in piece!" With that Fu hang up.

Gabriel turned to Nathalie "You said you got rid of him!" "Yes, I got rid of him, I told him to leave, you should have just told me to kill him." Nathalie responded. Gabriel stood in silence for a moment before saying "Nathalie your fired!"

Back in the forest, Adrien had come back to the cottage from the forest supermarket "I got the goods!" The Kwami hurriedly got in their oversized chairs as they sat down for dinner, Adrien began handing each of the Kwami a snack "Ok Tikki asked for cookies and the rest of you never told me what you want so I had to guess." An example of his guessing was handing Duusuu some beef jerky "Aw, I wanted white truffles!"

After passing some cauliflower of to the bee he went over to Plagg "Your always so stinky and grouchy so I got something that would match you." He pulled out a slice of Camembert from the bag. Plagg zipped over to the cheese and ate it in one bite, then flew into Adrien's face and nuzzled him "I INSTANTLY LOVE YOU!"

The Kwami and Adrien (who got himself a quiche) ate their dinner almost happily, it would be happy if Nooroo could cut into his frozen jawbreaker "Why me?"

After dinner the 8 of them decided to have a dance party for no reason, all the Kwami except for Wayzz who danced with Adrien. The gang laughed and told great gossip all night, eventually it got to the subject of love...

"And so then he left me! Just because I'm a bee!" The bee cried, no one dared try to explain why a bee and a human can't fall in love. Tikki cleared her throat "Well that was a... Riveting story!" Trixx raised her hand up "Actually I thought it sucked." Nooroo elbowed her "Ow."

"I think our prince should go next." Duusuu suggested, the others agreed. Adrien scratched the back of his head as he spoke "Well, there is this girl..." The Kwami awed at him, Adrien blushed in response.

"Her name is Marinette, we met a few weeks ago and she...she is incredible! She's brave, strong, funny, beautiful and she puts up with my puns!" Wayzz wiped. Tear from his eye "Yep, that sounds like true love to me."

"Have you told her how you feel yet?" Tikki asked. Adrien sadly shakes his head "No way, I mean what if she doesn't like me like that. I would be messing everything up."

The kwami's turned to each other "Should we tell him that literally everyone knows they like each other?" Nooroo asked, Plagg shrugged "Nah, makes it more fun to watch."

Meanwhile back at the castle, Gabriel had assumed a disguise for his nefarious scheme. "Yes, no one would ever expect a well dressed butterfly man!" He announced looking into a mirror. A knock sounded from the door, Nathalie's voice behind it "Sir, everyone already knows about your secret identity." Gabriel chuckled "I am not Gabriel! I am Hawkmoth! The most terrifying villain in all the land!" Hawkmoth let out a evil laugh as thunder dramatically clashed in the background.

Nathalie called out one last time "Yes, because when people think evil and terrifying they think of butterflies."

The next morning, the Kwami's were all heading off to work. Adrien gave them each a tiny handshake as they left. Plagg stopped before shaking his hand "Now listen Adrien, if a supervillain comes to the door, don't let him in. He might steal my cheese!" Adrien pet him on the head "I know, now I will see you all when you get back!"

The hours that followed were boring for the young prince. He just sat watching infomercials on the tv since nothing good was on. Just then the doorbell rang without warning. "Maybe it's the pizza guy?" He wondered.

Adrien opened the door to find Hawkmoth right in front of him. "You look familiar?" Adrien asked "Do I know you?" Hawkmoth sweat nervously "Nope, I'm just a average person and definitely not King Gabriel in disguise." A moment of silence ensued before Adrien commented "Sounds legit to me!"

Hawkmoth cleared his throat and pulled an apple from behind his back...hopefully. "Young man I would like to give you an apple, for fruit helps keep you handsome." Hawkmoth tried to convince him "Eh, I don't like apples, too hard to chew." Adrien told him.

Hawkmoth had an idea and zipped away for a moment before returning with a croissant "What about a croissant?" Adriens eyes lit up "Sure!" He quickly grabbed the croissant and took a bite.

"Hey this is pretty good! I wonder if-" then Adrien dropped to the floor. Unmoving and maybe unbreathing. Hawkmoth gist pumped in triumph "Yes! Now I am the most fabulous one of all! And the only way to wake the boy is with true loves kiss!...why am I saying this out loud?" He wondered.

And with that he went back to the castle (But not before stealing Plaggs cheese), when he got there a van was in front of the castle. A man in a suit walked up to Hawkmoth "King Gabriel?" "Uh no, I am Hawkmoth!" He tried to sound menacing, the man was having none of it "Yeah we all know it's you Gabriel. So we have a report that you attempted to kill your child for a stupid reason." Gabriel scoffed "That's preposterous, It was for a legitimate reason!"

The guy handcuffed Hawkmoth "Ok your highness, your gonna need to talk to child services and hopefully see how pointless this all is." Gabriel fumed "CURSE YOU CHILD SERVICES!"

After a day at the mines the Kwami couldn't wait to get back home and see their friend. Tikki opened the door and announced "Adrien were ho-" But then the Kwami stopped in her tracks. Plagg ran into her and asked "Hey what's the big...idea..." His eyes followed her to the boy laying on the floor.

The Kwami all flew to Adriens side, Duusuu crying a mountain of tears "Oh god he's dead!" The other Kwami all hung their heads sadly, not one of them bothering to check his pulse. To them their friend was dead.

Adrien was placed into a glass coffin, the Kwami were too small to dig a hole to bury him so they left him on the surface, were they could see his corpse whenever they wanted. The bee tweeted about the funeral but only of her followers came, luckily it was someone who actually cared about the prince.

Princess Marinette arrived at the funeral and ran over to the body of her beloved. Tears slid down her cheeks as her hands cupped her face. The Kwami gazed at her sadly, Tikki went up to her and asked "Do you wanna say goodbye to him?" Marinette nodded and the Kwami gave her some room.

Marinette placed her hand on his cheek, feeling his cold skin against her warm "Adrien, I wish...I wish I could have told you that I love you." She softly said.

She leaned down and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. Their lips parted and Marinette hung her head and sobbed.

Suddenly the prince began to open his eyes "Marinette?" he spoke in a whisper. Marinette's eyes widened as he looked to see that Adrien was alive and well. Marinette could only say one thing..."ZOMBIE!"

She whacked him in the head with her purse repeatedly "No (Whack) it's (whack) really (whack) me!" Marinette stopped "Oh." Then she hugged him "Oh Adrien it's really you!"

The kwami's all cheered and clapped as Marinette carried Adrien in her arms. The two got on a magic moped and rode off into the sunset. And they lived happily ever after.

Until Hawkmoth returned with the moon men!

* * *

I really don't have any notes, I just had an idea for Snow White Adrien and I wrote it, as stupidly as I could.

good night everyone!


End file.
